revamped and edited essay]
desire to study law at the Boalt School of Law is firmly rooted in my interest
in world events and, most importantly, helping others to attain basic human
rights, both here and back home in Burma. Since finishing my undergraduate
degree in 2001, the real-world experience and success I have achieved have
naturally led me to this goal. Although my life experience has taken me from
one corner of the world to the other, and my employment experiences span
various disciplines, I would like to stress that each opportunity has contributed
to my interest in the law.
Attending meetings with key legislative members in the state
as an intern at the New York Arts Council provided me with hands-on experience
dealing with state funding procedures, especially in the areas of ethnic
and folk arts. Working at Quechuaworks—a non-profit, fair trade organization
dealing with female Quechua-speaking artisans in Bolivia —allowed
me to do quality work. We struggled to pay artisans fair wages, fund scholarships
and training programs, and provide micro-credit to the artisans and their
families. The discipline and real-world skills I learned helped me to benefit
those in need and provided me with a sense of fulfillment in making those
changes. My volunteer work at the Devandra Foundation confirmed the simplicity
and wholesomeness of sustenance. The Devandra Foundation is a not-for-profit
organization that creates and implements arts and education programs that
help children develop lifelong non-violence decision-making skills, as
well as community art initiatives that address issues of diversity and
of these work opportunities solidified my desire to help others through non-violent
political and social means. Studying law is a natural outgrowth of this commitment
and, since making that decision, I have focused pragmatically on achieving it.
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good about this essay?
- It turns a weakness (a lack of career focus) into a strength (varied real-world experience).
- It explains how past experiences have shaped her career goals.
- It brings these things together to show a single, achievable goal (law school)
- It is well written and concise.
[Same excerpt from the original essay]
My desire to study law at your university is firmly rooted
in my interest in world events and most importantly, helping others in attaining
basic human rights. I am particularly glad that I did not go to law school
right after the completion of my undergraduate degree in 2001. Because, it
gave me an opportunity to considered and ruled out other career fields and
the opportunity of attaining a real world experience. Although my previous
work experiences may have been in different career fields, I would like to
stress that that each of them do remotely line to my interest in the law.
For example, the opportunity to interned at the New York Arts Council, a
state agency gave me an exposure to the procedures of state funding especially
in the area of ethnic and folk arts where I attended meetings with key legislative
members in the state. My previous experience at Quechuaworks prepared me
with the discipline it takes to benefit those in need and the sense of fulfillment
in making those changes, Quechuaworks is a non-profit fair trade organization
working with Quechua-speaking women artisans in Bolivia, that pays artisans
fair wages, funds scholarships and training programs and provides micro credit
to the artisans and their families formed continuity. My volunteer work at
Devandra Foundation confirmed the simplicity and wholesomeness of sustenance.
Devandra foundation is a not-for profit organization with a mission that
fosters the practice of non-violence through the arts Devandra creates and
implements arts and education programs that help children develop lifelong
non-violence decision making skills, as well as community art initiatives
that address issues of diversity and inclusiveness to foster healthy and