Benjamin Zadik
zadik@ibabbleon.com
For essay editing help, or to see more essay examples, visit:
Personal Statement Editing

Law School Admissions example


See more example essays...

About this work:

It's not easy to summarize your life and your goals into a short personal statement for college, graduate school, or law school. But that's exactly what the admissions committee asks for! The following excerpt shows you just how far professional-level editing can take your application essay.

[Excerpt from revamped and edited essay]

...

My desire to study law at the Boalt School of Law is firmly rooted in my interest in world events and, most importantly, helping others to attain basic human rights, both here and back home in Burma. Since finishing my undergraduate degree in 2001, the real-world experience and success I have achieved have naturally led me to this goal. Although my life experience has taken me from one corner of the world to the other, and my employment experiences span various disciplines, I would like to stress that each opportunity has contributed to my interest in the law.

Attending meetings with key legislative members in the state as an intern at the New York Arts Council provided me with hands-on experience dealing with state funding procedures, especially in the areas of ethnic and folk arts. Working at Quechuaworks—a non-profit, fair trade organization dealing with female Quechua-speaking artisans in Bolivia —allowed me to do quality work. We struggled to pay artisans fair wages, fund scholarships and training programs, and provide micro-credit to the artisans and their families. The discipline and real-world skills I learned helped me to benefit those in need and provided me with a sense of fulfillment in making those changes. My volunteer work at the Devandra Foundation confirmed the simplicity and wholesomeness of sustenance. The Devandra Foundation is a not-for-profit organization that creates and implements arts and education programs that help children develop lifelong non-violence decision-making skills, as well as community art initiatives that address issues of diversity and inclusiveness.

The combination of these work opportunities solidified my desire to help others through non-violent political and social means. Studying law is a natural outgrowth of this commitment and, since making that decision, I have focused pragmatically on achieving it.

 

This essay was professionally edited. Doesn't your essay deserve the same treatment? Visit ibabbleon.com

What's good about this essay?
  • It turns a weakness (a lack of career focus) into a strength (varied real-world experience).
  • It explains how past experiences have shaped her career goals.
  • It brings these things together to show a single, achievable goal (law school)
  • It is well written and concise.

[Same excerpt from the original essay]

...

My desire to study law at your university is firmly rooted in my interest in world events and most importantly, helping others in attaining basic human rights. I am particularly glad that I did not go to law school right after the completion of my undergraduate degree in 2001. Because, it gave me an opportunity to considered and ruled out other career fields and the opportunity of attaining a real world experience. Although my previous work experiences may have been in different career fields, I would like to stress that that each of them do remotely line to my interest in the law. For example, the opportunity to interned at the New York Arts Council, a state agency gave me an exposure to the procedures of state funding especially in the area of ethnic and folk arts where I attended meetings with key legislative members in the state. My previous experience at Quechuaworks prepared me with the discipline it takes to benefit those in need and the sense of fulfillment in making those changes, Quechuaworks is a non-profit fair trade organization working with Quechua-speaking women artisans in Bolivia, that pays artisans fair wages, funds scholarships and training programs and provides micro credit to the artisans and their families formed continuity. My volunteer work at Devandra Foundation confirmed the simplicity and wholesomeness of sustenance. Devandra foundation is a not-for profit organization with a mission that fosters the practice of non-violence through the arts Devandra creates and implements arts and education programs that help children develop lifelong non-violence decision making skills, as well as community art initiatives that address issues of diversity and inclusiveness to foster healthy and vibrant communities.

...