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» Level 1: Proofreading
important documents
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The Sales assocaite was knowledgable and asked all the right questions on how I was
going to use the account. I mentioned I did NOT want any fees to the checking account.
She over came my objection by offering to wave the fees for 1 year, so I could try the
account. She talk fast but slowed down when I asked to repeat. She gave me brochures
on all accounts and current CD rates. Asked for me business
2 times. she stood and
shook my hand, hoping to see me soon.
...into this:
The sales associate was knowledgeable and asked all the right questions concerning how I would use the account. I mentioned that I did not want any fees with the checking account. She overcame my objections by offering to waive the fees for 1 year so that I could try out the account. She spoke quickly, but slowed down when I asked her to repeat. She gave me brochures for all the accounts as well as the current CD rates. She asked for my business twice. She stood up and shook my hand, saying she hoped to see me again soon.
» Level 2: Editing for grammar and legibility
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With the new millennium, Brazil celebrated the
500 years since it's discovery.
The public was flooded with nationwide museum’s
installations, especially in large urban centers, then innumerous special
issues on TV, radio and newspapers. Together
with popular celebrations, indigenous
and African-descent groups organized
protests against
the discovery and
past displacements from their original territory, forming
an incredible multifaceted and contradictory image of Brasil.
...into this:
With the new millennium, Brazil celebrated the 500-year anniversary of
its first encounter with the Portuguese. The public sphere was
flooded with museum installations nationwide, especially in large urban
centers, as well as innumerable program specials on TV, radio, and in newspapers.
Alongside the popular celebrations, indigenous peoples and groups of African
descent organized protests against the “discovery” and past
displacements from their original territory. Taken together, the events
formed an incredible, multifaceted, and contradictory image of Brazil.
» Level 3: Complete revamping for style, persuasiveness, and
clarity
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HOLISTC
Data cannot be considered in isolation from the context surrounding a team,
unit or organization as it operates. Even information not directly related
to the problem in hand can reveal critical to create the collective situation
awareness necessary to flag unexpected interactions and spark a decisive strategy
adjustment. Information should therefore be holistic 1) encompassing many sources,
2) portraying the situation from diverse perspectives, and 3) covering even seemingly unconnected domains.
...into this:
HOLISTIC
No single piece of data matters as much as the insight gleaned from seeing
all the pieces as a whole. In business, this means that data cannot be considered
in isolation from the context of the surrounding a team, unit or organization
as it operates. Information should therefore be holistic: it must include many sources, portray
the situation from diverse perspectives, and encompass even seemingly unconnected
domains. Even information not directly related to the problem
at hand may prove key to creating the collective situation awareness necessary
to flag unexpected interactions and spark a decisive strategy adjustment.
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